South Park's Gone Mad
by zomgitsjasmine
Summary: Kyle's sick and just wants to lay in bed, but instead he gets lead to this strange world full of even stranger, yet familiar people. Will this poor Jew ever make it home.? ... I don't know. You better read and find out.


**AUTHOR'S COMMENTS:**

**Hello friend.! Thanks for opening this story.! Oh, oh it was an accident.? You were trying to click the story under this one.? Ohh...**

**Ahem. Anyways, if anyone is actually reading this, this is and Alice in Wonderland themed story. I got the idea for this when I bought the most recent Alice in Wonderland that came out, so this first chapter will have stuff from that, but this story is really based on a lot of things. This will probably have themes from at least three different Alice in Wonderland movies I've seen, some manga I've read, and such. Oh, but I'm not trying to steal the ideas.! I'm just inspired by them I guess. So, yeah.**

**Oh, and if you plan continuing reading this story... Don't count on consistency. It's not gonna be liek Aunt Flo; showing up every however many days. I mean, I would liek to have a planned out schedule when I'm going to be posting new chapters, but I just don't work that way. **

**Warnings:**

**Cursing, cross-dressing, going against the laws of physics, Jews, horrid writing.**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own anything South Park or Alice in Wonderland.**

**Now, enjoy.! ... Or don't. Whatever floats your boat.**

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"Goddamn Cartman. That fuckin' Nazi piece of shAACHO! Ugh…" I sniffled and pulled my comforter tighter around my body. I heard a knock at my door and looked up to see my two closest friends walk in.

"Hey dude." Stan and Kenny said in unison.

"Hi guys…" I said, my voice thick.

"Kyle, dude, you sound awful." Kenny said, making himself comfortable on my bed. I sat up and pulled my legs towards me, so he had room.

I sighed and leaned against my bed's headboard, closing my eyes. "I feel awful." I opened my eyes as I felt a cool hand on my face.

"Oh my god, you have a major fever." Stan said, pulling his hand back. "I don't get why you do stuff like this just to prove a point to Cartman. He always gets you somehow."

I groaned. "I know, I know! But even Wendy bet I wouldn't do it."

"Wendy's a bitch. Who cares what she thinks." Kenny commented. Stan nodded in agreement (Stan and Wendy broke up for good the first year of high school, so he no longer gave a rat's ass about her).

"If you guys are supposed to be making me feel better, you're doing a terrible job…" I grumbled.

Stan laughed. "Sorry, dude, we actually did come to cheer you up."

"Yeah, we brought you a whole bunch of get well shit." Kenny said opening a worn backpack, which I just now realized he was holding. He started pulling things out and tossing them on my bed.

I scooted forward and looked at the items.

"Nyquil… chicken noodle soup... Sprite…?"

"The white man's cure-all medicine." Stan smiled. I laughed.

"I also got-" Kenny said, still rummaging through the bag. "-video games and movies and… this!" Kenny held up a toy.

"A stuffed bunny?"

"To help you sleep." He said with a grin.

I rolled my eyes, but took the toy rabbit nonetheless. "You're retarded."

"So, what do you wanna do first?" Stan asked, sitting on my now crowded bed. "Movies or games?"

"Hmmm…" I thought. "Let's watch a movie."

"Oh, oh! Dude, look what I just got!" Kenny held up a DVD.

"Alice in Wonderland? Seriously Kenny?"

He pouted. "What? It's really good. Have you seen it?"

"No-"

"Perfect then! Let's watch it. Stan, put the movie in." The hooded boy said, throwing the case to Stan who just barely caught it.

Stan put the DVD in the player and quickly skipped the commercials, after pressing play, he scooted back and sat to my right, Kenny was to my left, so I was squished in the center. It was a bit uncomfortable, but after a while I relaxed and started to doze off.

Normal POV.

"Dude, he's out." Stan said to Kenny.

Kenny unglued his eyes from the television screen to look at the redhead.

"Aw, he's gonna miss the best part!" Kenny said, turning back to the movie.

Stan chuckled and looked down at Kyle. Kyle's red hair was tousled from being in bed all day, and his cheeks were flushed pink from the fever, he had the stuffed white rabbit held to his chest, and one hand was under his head. Stan brushed his bangs from his face, but quickly pulled his hand away when he heard Kyle say something.

"No wait-" Kyle mumbled, still asleep. "I can't have cake… I'm diabetic…" Kyle then sighed and snuggled deeper into the comforter.

Stan let out a small laugh before focusing back on the movie.

Kyle's POV

"Dude!" I was roughly awakened by someone shaking my shoulders. "C'mon, wake up! You can't miss this!"

"W-what?" I shot up in my bed and looked up to see Stan looking up at me with an anxious expression. "What the hell, man?"

"C'mon! Let's go, everyone's waiting already!"

"Waiting for what?"

"Just come on!" With that, Stan ran out of my room.

"Stan!" I quickly grabbed my jacket and shoved my shoes on my feet and ran out of the house, clad in pajamas.

I shivered as I ran into my front yard, looking around for Stan.

"Stan!" I called again, zipping up my jacket.

"Hurry up!"

I saw him waving from Stark's Pond. I put my hands on my knees and caught my breath before running to I had seen Stan, but he was gone.

"What the hell…" I sighed and sat down under a large tree near the pond. I rested my head against the tree and closed my eyes. "Ugh, I'm sick… Why the hell am I running around outside?"

Just then, I heard rustling coming from the other side of the tree.

"Stan?"

I crawled around the tree, only to find a large rabbit hole. I sighed.

"So it was just a rabbit." I peered down into the hole. "Where the hell did Stan go?"

"Hurry up!"

"AH!" I jumped at the voice and fell toward, luckily catching my self, my hands just on the edge of the hole. "That was close…" I then felt something crawling on my hand. I turned to find a nasty blue caterpillar on me. "Gross!" I pulled my hand back, realizing a second too late what a mistake that was; I plummeted into the rabbit hole.

I opened my opened my eyes, having shut them in fright, and gasped as an old fashioned alarm clock flew past me. My heart was racing and I was so terrified that I couldn't even form a scream. I just fell, wide-eyed down the seemingly never ending tunnel. Various items were flying past me, teapots, clocks, lamps, and a piano? I pushed towards the side of the tunnel, just as the piano flew past me. I yelped as I bounced against a bed that was jutting out from the wall. Finally, I saw the end of the hole approaching. I let out the scream I'd been holding and, shielding my face with my arms, I crashed through the floor.

"Owww…" I moaned as I pushed myself into a sitting position. I brought a hand to my head, I could feel a headache coming on. "My head… it feels… almost like I'm upside do-" I glanced to my right and saw a chandelier hanging from the… floor? "What the f-AHH!" I yelled as I suddenly dropped to the ceiling, er, floor.

I slowly got up, holding my hands out for balance, incase the room turned again. Once I was sure that the room was immobile, I looked around the room again noticing that there were many doors.

"Now, which one leads out?" I walked to the first door and turned the handle. Locked. I wandered around the room, finding door after door locked. I huffed and crossed my arms. "This is fucking stupid!" Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a round glass table. I walked over to the table, wondering how I didn't notice it before.

On the table was an antique key and a small glass bottle, labeled 'Drink Me'. I grabbed the key and turned it in my hands.

"So… This key opens-" I turned back towards the various doors. "a door…"

"Well, that should be obvious." A small nasally voice said.

I twirled around. "Who said that?"

"I did." I looked around, seeing nothing. "Down here, retard." I turned my eyes to the floor and saw…

"Craig?" I asked crouching down. There, standing in front of me was a miniature Craig, arms crossed and looking up at me with a bored expression. He was wearing oversized blue pajamas and his signature blue chullo hat over his messy black hair. As I peered closer, I noticed he had little round black ears poking through his hat and a long furry black tail. "Er, you have ears and a… tail…"

"No, really?" The tiny Craig said sarcastically.

"Why?"

"I'm a dormouse, obviously."

"Why are you saying 'obviously' like I should know that?" I said, getting a bit annoyed.

He simply rolled his eyes and said, "Look, I don't want to be trapped in here either, can you please unlock the door already?"

"Well, I'd love to… if I knew which door." I said looking down at the key in my hands. "You don't know, do you?"

"If I knew, I wouldn't still be here." Craig said, sitting down and leaning against one of the table legs, pulling his hat down over his eyes.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm tired."

"You know, if I had help, we'd get out of here quicker…"

"Yep, and if I had wheels I'd be a wagon."

I let out an irritated sigh and turned back to the doors. I walked up to the first one and tried the key. Locked. The second… locked… third… locked. Once I had tried every door I gave up. I dropped to the floor and pulled my knees to my chest.

"This is hopeless…"

"Did you try over there?" I looked over to Craig to see his tiny hand pointing to the right of the room. I turned to see a long deep red curtain hanging from the ceiling. I pushed myself to my feet and walked to the curtain, pushing it aside to find… nothing. Just a wall. My shoulders slumped in disappointment and I dropped my gaze to my worn Converse. I then noticed a tiny door. I got down on my knees and observed the small door, before glancing at the key in my hand. I twisted the key in the keyhole and, much to my surprise, the door clicked and opened. I leaned my the side of my face against the ground and looked out.

"I found the way out." I called. I heard Craig's tiny foot steps run over. He pushed my face out of the way and looked out the door.

"Finally." With that he stepped outside.

"H-hey! Wait!"

Craig poked his head back in the door. "What?"

"How am I supposed to get out?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Hey! I helped you get out! You better fuckin' help me too!"

"Fine, fine, good God. Okay, you saw that bottle on the table over there?" I nodded. "Well, go get it…" I ran to the table and grabbed the bottle and quickly crouched back down by the door. "Now, just follow the directions." He said, his voice as monotone as ever. I looked skeptically at the bottle, it's tag reading 'Drink Me'.

"What is this stuff?"

Craig sighed. "Do you wanna get out of there?" I nodded. "Then just drink it."

I pulled the cork out the top with a 'pop' and brought the bottle to my mouth. "This smells awful…" I mumbled before taking a sip. The liquid was thick, like cough medicine and burned like alcohol, but was tasteless, like water. After reluctantly swallowing the foreign liquid, I brought my hand to my mouth, to muffle the coughing fit the drink caused. After a moment I felt my whole body start to tingle and the room started to look bigger. I realized that I was shrinking. By the time I had stopped, I was buried in my oversized clothes.

I blindly found my way to the surface. I looked around at the now oversized room and walked back towards Craig.

"Alright, let's go." I said to Craig who was leaning against the door frame. He turned to look at me, and went wide eyed for a second then his face broke into a smirk.

"Nice outfit."

I tilted my head, confused. "What are you talking abou-" but my sentence was cut off by my gasp of horror as I looked down to find myself in, not a replica of my regular outfit, but a dress. Yes, a dress. It was a pastel blue with buttons up the front, puffy sleeves, and a white collar, and ended just above my knees. The sleeves and hem we edged with lace. Over the dress was a white apron, also lined with lace, that was tied around my midsection. Under the dress I had black and white striped stockings that reached mid-thigh. On my feet were shiny black Mary Janes. I looked back up at Craig and could feel my face burning with embarrassment. "Why am I dressed like this?"

"I think the better question is how you didn't notice until now."

"Craig! Why the fuck am I in a dress?

He simply shrugged. "No clue. Let's go."

"W-wait! You expect me to go out like this?"

"Yep, now c'mon."

"But I-I-I'm in a dress!"

"I think we've established that fact."

"But- UGH!" I let out a frustrated huff and followed Craig out the door. "I can't believe I'm in a fucking dress, I'm shrunk to the size of fucking mouse, and I'm walking around fucking-" I paused. "Craig, where the fuck are we?"

"First of all, are you aware that you just said 'fuck' a total of four times? Secondly, why don't you just look around? There's a sign right there." Craig answered tonelessly.

I looked up and, just as Craig had pointed out, there was a huge sign just to the right of our path. Being so tiny, I had to back up so I could get a proper look at it.

"Wonderland?"

"Bingo."

"Wonderland? Wait, wait… Like 'Alice in Wonderland'?"

"What?"

"Alice in Wonderl- y'know, from the movies and books?" Craig just stared at me blankly. I ignored his stupidity and tried to recall the Wonderland characters. "So, you're the dormouse, and we're in Wonderland, which means I'm…" I looked down at my outfit again. "Oh, Jesus fucking Christ."

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**AUTHOR'S COMMENTS:**

**Wrong, Kyle.! You are not Jesus.! You're Alice, silly.**

**So, how'd you liek it.? Hopefully it's not too terrible.?**

**Oh.! I've got an idea.! How about you write a nice little review to tell me how much you lieked, or hated, this story.?**

**I'd really, really, appreciate it. :D**


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